Sunday, January 30, 2011

The dark side of the sauna

I prepaid my gym membership for 2 years in advance  for $300

What do you get for $12.50 month? 
all but one of the lights is now working in the sauna

 There is always something broken at the 24 hour fitness, and I go to the nicest one around in Hermosa Beach.  Anyhow the lights aren't working and I think it makes the sauna feel cooler actually is.  I think that if they took the thermometer away and painted the walls with a snow scene people would stay in twice as long. If they were smart they would cover it with  flames which would be much more appropriate and maybe keep dumb asses like myself from staying in too long.

Nothing really exciting happened in  the sauna.  I arrived at the gym during peek hours, this meant I had too park at the very bottom of the garage.  As I mentioned before something is always broken at my gym , this also extends to the garage.  The escalator system has been on the fritz on and off for the past 6 months so I took the elevator. (Who's permit expired in 2006)
I made it safely to the gym
Slight exaggeration
When I left the gym 3 hours later the elevator was covered in blood that was not there when I arrived.  Maybe it  was vampires. Or maybe it was a colony of menstruating bats
Most likely a nose bleed.

Someone cleaned the elevator (I was surprised) 
I was also hungry and in a hurry so I didn't stay long

75 mins
Body felt good lots of very opinionated people in sauna,  for once I kept my mouth shut and enjoyed other people's lunacy

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The good the bad and the sweaty

"Dang it, Not this guy again" 
(maybe he was thinking the same thing)
 When I got to the sauna yesterday Mr Sumo guy was sitting in usual spot next to the heater.  It takes a lot to gross me out ( and theirs definitely a lot gross about this dude)
.  Every 30 seconds he wipes his brow full of sweat, snot and god knows what and flings the liquid on to the sauna heater making it sizzle as it evaporates.  He will sit their sniffling, making strange noises while giving you the stink eye then "Flabam,  sizzle, sizzle sizzle," the room is now a little more humid thanks to his generous supply of body excrement.

75 mins
Pondering the old yawn stretch move  :)

It was a good day the Sauna.  Lots of sauna buddies came by.  I was chatting with really cute Czech girl.  We got on subject of going to the sauna nude (as it is done in most of the world) Stupid America! lol.  Anyhow she got to telling me about going to the sauna nude with her family as a kid, while she laughed at her own innocence.  My thoughts went from envisioning her naked :) to the idea of going to the sauna with my own mom and dad :(    
maybe America aint so bad after all





All last week I spent pretty much equal time in the pool as in the sauna.  I was really trying to ice my muscles between visits too the sauna in the 82 degree pool (well it feels cold after sitting in 170) 
I had been going late night (when the pool is empty) I love grab a noodle (I sink like a rock without one) and float on the top of the water with only my nose and my toes sticking out, eyes closed (oh course) my spine expanding and my mind drifting.

The sauna was packed so hit the steam room instead.  I got their at about 9p.m. and I was ready for bed. I guess I was even more ready than I thought I had lied down and passed out for about 40 mins in the steam.  It's only about 130-140 degrees in their and even if I had slept for 2 or 3 hours I think I would have been fine. 
It's a good thing they don't supply pillows

Saturday, January 15, 2011


45 min
Well after defeating the sauna a few days prior I had nothing left to prove.  I was there to go in for ten minutes jump in the pool and repeat  to loosen up the muscles in my legs.

 For the past 2 months this giant lady in a pink bikini has been showing up at the pool /sauna.  to help rehabilitate her (I presume husband who seems t o be a stroke victim) Anyway I think she has a crush on me. Each day she sits a little closer to me and if I make eye contact I get a big smile and sometimes a wink.  She's an attractive lady. (for her size) If I were Andre the Giant and about 25 years older and she wasn't married to some dude who's rehabbing a stroke I'd be totally into it.  It's still not quite as flattering as the fat  70 something year old Russian lady that once told me "she wanted to have my baby."
Nostravia :)
8 points

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Records are meant to be broken

I hit my goal the day before 62 minutes straight and I did while being ill prepared with just my small bottle.  I had broken past the1 hour barrier and even though I had just done it once I was now beaming with a new confidence.  I came back the next day with a giant jug of Ice water.  (surely I could now go 90 minutes with 10 times the liquid)

On my way to gym I got distracted by the setting sun.  I ended up at the beach with my feet in the bone chilling water for about 30 minutes while I watched the skies turn pink and the sun disappear for the day.  Just before leaving car to enter the gym I ate a bag of of Salt and Vinegar Kettle Chips to make sure my electrolytes stayed balanced. 

When I got to the sauna it was pretty dead I found my spot and was ready  to go.    I checked my heart rate and it was about 60.  My body was cold to start and I welcomed the heat.  Friends would come go as I sat their baking.  at 30mins I felt good and by the 1 hour mark I felt no different although my heart rate was spiking to about 130-150 beats per minute.  I still had about 2/3 of water left.  90minutes was totally within reach as long my heart rate din't continue to rise.  I took a few minutes to focus on my breathing and got my heart rate down to about 120 for the rest of my stay.

After the first hour a few of the other sauna patrons were wondering what this freak (me) was doing staying in  so long.  I tell people it's to be better prepared for racing in hot weather (which it is) but really it's more for my my own ego (you know) mind over body, confidence kind of thing.

 At about the 70 minute mark this cute girl came in who's preparing for her 1st marathon.  We had chatted before and was inquiring about her training.  All of a sudden a rank smell of Aqua velvet filled nose arriving  well before the barbarian who was wearing it.
The door to the sauna had been sticking all day.  Every time someone entered or left the the room it would have to be forced closed the last 2 inches. During my stay I must have closed the damn thing 20 times.  Well the sauna was pretty packed and I was having a good conversation with this chick.  Someone entered and the door was stuck.  I asked the Barbarian to close the door.  ANGER filled his eyes (I think he was jealous of the attention I was getting)  "Now I'm the door man?" he uttered in disbelief as he reluctantly shut the door. , "No, your still smelly cologne dude." I thought to myself.  The dude was pissed for no reason and I was chuckling inside trying not to smile.  The girl  seemed a little concerned that fisticuffs might break out, she thanked cologne dude for helping everyone in the sauna by shutting the door, while at the same time giving him some sarcastic lip.

A few minutes later the crowd had dispersed and I was back to my own devices.  By the 80 minute mark I realized I had done something I had never thought possible.  I had defeated the sauna.  My mind and and body were at peace and I knew I could stay in indefinitely so long as I had fluids to rehydrate with.  After 102 minutes I had nothing left to prove and I calmly exited the sauna.  I had drank about a gallon and half of water gained 1 pound in water weight and outlast 48 people who entered the room while I was there.
48 points

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A new record.

Sauna buddies
Brian (Child psychologist) Paveress (My favorite Iranian Hypnotherapist) myself and Lon (Just a sweet lady)

I've been avoiding cardio this week and it's driving me insane.  In an effort to prove something (My level of Stupidity) I decided  I would try and set a new personal best for continuous time staying in the sauna.  The plan was to bring my 2 gallon jug full of ice and water, a separate bottle full of nuun and a bandanna to put the ice around my neck. My previous record was 55 minutes but I haven't done that kind of time for about 18 months.  Anyway yesterday all I had was my trusty Ultimate direction fast draw plus upgraded to  26-Ounce Bottle (it goes everywhere with me) . My first session I stayed in for 30 mins talking with my buddies before the heat started to get to me.  
I took a few minutes to do some hip exercises out by the pool and air out a little bit before heading back in.

Session two 30mins
 On Most days it gets harder to stay in each time I return but not today session 2 came easy.  

Session 3 30mins
After about a two minute soak in the pool I was back in the heat.  By now all my sauna buddies had left and I had to pass the time by myself.  Lucky for me there was a copy of the O.C and L.A.  sitting around  I ended up thumbing through both especially enjoying the perverse classifieds in the back.  The time passed quickly and I felt good.  I should have been done by then (make that well done) but I decided to go back in for one last session.

I headed back in for one last session.  It was then that I got into the zone.  After 30 minutes I wasn't ready to leave.  I got Pavrese to refill my bottle to and I was determined to seize the day and set a new personal record.  By this time the sauna became packed with people I had beautiful women  on both sides of me as I attempted to achieve greatness (theres a fine line between Greatness and buffoonery guess which side I'm on?).  At 45 minutes time started to slow and the heat began to take it's toll.  I felt like I was being cooked alive.  Eventually I passed the 55 minute mark and was into uncharted waters.  

The crowd began to Cheer "Pat, Pat, Pat"and the women were all over me begging me to stay (I think they were in love)  as I exited the sauna after 62 minutes a new personal best. I was a bit delirious and that's how I chose to remember it, by this point i had been in the sauna for 154 minutes on the day.  After a couple minutes in the pool I was back to normal (well as close as I ever get to normal).  Funny thing is I felt like going back into the heat.  I decided to hit the hot tub for about 20 minutes before my desire for beer took over and I left the gym proud of what I had accomplished.

I finally broke the 60min barrier.  New goal 90mins 
Points 74 also a new record

Monday, January 10, 2011

Sardine can

75 mins
Can you find me?

I had some plans in the afternoon so I hit the gym in the morning.  When I got to the sauna I had it to myself until yoga class let out.  The most popular instructor (a friend of mine and also a sauna buddy, but not today) had just finished her class and about 20 of her students bum rushed me.  I outlasted them all, some more the once. (I feared I would not get seat back and didn't wan to give it up)  
around 40 points 


75 mins
After a tough day of Disc golf (aka being lazy, not running).  I hit the gym around 9 p.m., I thought about swimming (not for very long)  and ended up in the sauna and the hot tub.  Usually Sunday nights are somewhat interesting but I got no stories to tell.
11 points

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Serenaded by a Vato

90 mins
Sometimes the sauna is boring and quiet and other times it can be a quite entertaining place.  People do strange things when their slowly being cooked alive.  A lot of people come into the Sauna with their ipods on, what ever, it helps the time pass by.  Some people aren't very respectful to others and listen to their music so loud everyone in the room can hear it.
Serenaded  by a Vato in the Sauna

Yesterday this huge Vato Raider's fan sat down next to me blasting his tunes.  I figure I had 4 options 1. Be confrontational (not gonna happen, he could have eaten me) 2. Leave (no way) 3. Get mad and sulk (that would be silly) 4. Sing along (why the hell not). 
It's pretty funny when the person's playlist is the opposite from which you would stereotype them to listen to. This dude was blasting "Forever young" the Jay Z version.  I don't think he realized it but he began to sing out loud and definitely did not know the lyrics.  Myself and the girl sitting next to me started cracking up and began to sing along without him noticing.  
When the song was over he searched through his ipod for the next song.  "Macho man it's not as if macho man randomly came up, it was song he wanted to listen to." I was almost in tears laughing when this happened.  I also moved a little father away from dude. After macho man came "Kiss" By Prince. For some reason he didn't like that tune and switched to some other rap song I didn't know and left soon after.

About 20 minutes later really cute girl came in and started doing some Yoga while listening to her tunes.  She was all of like 90 lb's 5ft tall and really fit. The heat was starting to get to me and I had my head down when I heard what sounded like some old, fat, drunk dude, snoring. Did someone fall asleep?  I looked up and it was The girl.  She was doing some type of deep breathing and perhaps she had a cold. I don't think she was aware of how loud she had become  At first this was a big turn off but then I decided to embrace the moment (why be hater). I began to enjoy her sounds.  Might as well make the best of life.  Hopefully the next time a girl snoring is next to me in bed it will make me love her even more. lol.


After a short run on the beach in some foul weather. I hit up the sauna and  had a good chat with some girl about Vegan-ism.  I had planned on hitting the farmers market afterwards but I spent so much time talking about food it was closed by the time I got there. The sun emerged from the clouds so I went and played some paddle tennis before returning to the gym.
I decided to come back for second round before dinner

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Amateur day 1/03

80 mins
I got the gym at about 6:30 p.m. and every machine was taken.  I had been pretty lazy all day and needed some exercise.  Looks like that wasn't gonna happen.  Instead of getting angry or upset I headed back to car.  You see I  had just come from the market and had cold beer in my back seat.  I pounded 2 beers and then headed to the sauna.  I was feeling prettying and stayed in for over 30 mins twice in a row.  Highlight  of the day was when a new gym member came in wearing gym shorts and a Lacey bra. .  She was nice and it was her second day ever at the gym, hopefully I didn't scare her away. I got home at about 9 p.m. jumped on recumbent bike and peddled till close to midnight as I finished my six pack.