Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Love, Pain and Heartbreak: Using my Stick in the steam room

Yesterday I didn't get to the gym till the evening time.  I had brought my massage stick with me to work out some kinks in my left leg.   The sauna was packed so tight and there was barely room to pick your nose.
So I decided to venture over to the steam (a place I almost never visit.)  To my surprise it was empty.
Woo Hoo!

I sat in solitude for about 5 minutes vigorously working on my leg.  Then all of sudden in walks this chick that looks like she belongs to the Ukraine Olympic swim team. She see's my stick and we strike up a conversation.  I start telling  her what I do "Blah Blah Blah" and she interrupts me
 "So your that guy!" 
(my reputation had proceeded me, I think this is good thing?)
She had. heard about my from some other people on at the gym.

She explained to me that she does massage part time and wanted to check out the tightness in my calf.
(can you say best day ever?)
My excitement was short lived.
She started kneading my calf like she was juicing an orange.
I tried to hide my discomfort with a smile, but this chick was masochist and could see right through it.  The more pain I was in, the bigger her smile grew.

Man was this chick strong, she was hurting me but she was also being nice and she was also gorgeous.  The free massage only lasted a couple minutes. After which she asked if she could barrow my stick so she could show me what I should be doing with it.
As I sat there staring at this beautiful woman massaging  herself with her leg straight up in the air. I started to day dream of future together. Was this the one? That's when I noticed  the ring on her finger

What did I learn?
I'm gonna start bringing my stick to the gym everyday.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Back to doing what I do!

Today marked my third day back from a  gym membership that ended in August.

Word has spread and my flock of Sauna Buddies (both male and female) have come from far and wide to hear my witty tales  of shovels and sandals galore.

Monday, November 19, 2012


I went to the sauna today to help my body recover from the Chimera 100 mile race I ran over the weekend  .  Everything was pretty boring for the first hour.  I found myself sitting on the bottom part of an "L" shaped bench while 3 roided out dudes crowding the other side. 

All of sudden this smoking hot girl I had never seen before comes in and the dudes on the other side of the "L"began to scooch back and forth jostling to create a spot for her  to sit next them.  I sat there and smiled at the scene unfolding. At least one of them was gonna be out of luck.  After about 15 seconds of jockeying for position  a 3 foot  wet spot on the bench opened up for her. 

Then as luck would have it she squeezed into a spot half the size, the one next to me
We had a nice chat exchanged contact info and I think I got a new Paddle tennis partner.

As for the other seat It was almost instantly filled by a crazy born again church lady that I have seen from time to time.  She's a little bit husky, loves to talk and scared all the dudes away in just a few seconds.  Awhile back I decided to befriend the crazy church lady.  Rather than be annoyed by her antics I accept her for who she is and find  her rhetoric quite entertaining.

Life is to short not to enjoy it's simple pleasures and when your brain is cooking at 200 degrees you might as well make the best out of it.  

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I had a race the next morning. (well it ended up being 2 races)  

I had a few beers at the races.  My body was tight I only had a few minutes to spare before heading off to a Super Bowl party




It was Saturday night I had to get up by 4a.m. the next morning for a race.  

Time was at a stand still in the sauna.  I needed a diversion from the heat, so I decided too stand up and take full gander of what was going on the other side of the sauna door.  Over at the shower I saw this old man.(early 70's, Maybe it was arthritis or  super stiff muscles but this dude looked like he was doing the robot and he was doing it well.  I am easily amused and memory of that geriatric dancing in shower will always bring a smile to my face

100 mins
Mr. Religion

The last song I listened to upstairs was "Alter of Sacrifice." By SLAYER. I dig their music and find their lyrics pretty funny.  The last line I  heard was "Learn the Sacred words of praise hell Satan" to me both Jesus and the Satan are as make believe as the Smurfs or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. that's not to say I can't enjoy songs about them "Hallelujah" is one of my very favorite songs. (I also know both the Smurfs and the TMNT theme songs).  So i'm sitting in the sauna with dumb Slayer echoing in my brain "Praise Hell Satan, Praise Hell Satan." and in walks this dude all tatted up,  on one arm he had the star of David and a cross, while on the other arm he had what looked like "Gimel" and some of the other signs of the dradel. He also wore a cross on a chain around his neck.  He had a few other tattoo's I couldn't decipher  most likely Buddhist and Muslim.  Instead of waiting for the afterlife I'll enjoy heaven on Earth,  feed the worms when I die and embrace the fires of hell in sauna.  If I'm wrong I should be properly acclimated for the afterlife.

Friday, February 4, 2011

TOXICITY at 24 hour Fitness

60 mins
Sunday nights have the strangest people in the sauna (hence I look forward to it and fit right in)

Monday nights the gym is super crowded and it nearly impossible to get a work out.  I find it more enjoyable to drink a few beers in the parking lot and the cook in the sauna anyway.

 When I got to the sauna it stunk.  This time it wasn't the normal stuffed up drain kind of funk, it was more of (festering hygiene old person kind of smell (lovely huh)  I lasted about 4 seconds before bailing to the steam room.
For some reason the steam room does not seem to get as hot as it use to.  I ended up climbing some wall not meant to be sat upon near the output pipe of the steam generator.  This put me in a spot about 10 degrees hotter than the rest of the room that is where I sat for about 45 mins.

Eventually I tried the sauna again and the smell had dissipated proving my suspicions were correct.

Nothing exciting I was in a hurry just getting a few minutes in after a workout 

90 mins
When I go to the sauna I usually soak in the hot tub for awhile and do some stretching.  I also like massaging my IT bands and calf's with the jets
Today I soaked for about 20 minutes.  Immediately after they totally quarantined the spa and didn't let any one else enter.  I need to pay more attention to my surroundings and maybe I shouldn't have drank 100oz of water in the sauna.. :) 

Sunday, January 30, 2011

The dark side of the sauna

I prepaid my gym membership for 2 years in advance  for $300

What do you get for $12.50 month? 
all but one of the lights is now working in the sauna

 There is always something broken at the 24 hour fitness, and I go to the nicest one around in Hermosa Beach.  Anyhow the lights aren't working and I think it makes the sauna feel cooler actually is.  I think that if they took the thermometer away and painted the walls with a snow scene people would stay in twice as long. If they were smart they would cover it with  flames which would be much more appropriate and maybe keep dumb asses like myself from staying in too long.

Nothing really exciting happened in  the sauna.  I arrived at the gym during peek hours, this meant I had too park at the very bottom of the garage.  As I mentioned before something is always broken at my gym , this also extends to the garage.  The escalator system has been on the fritz on and off for the past 6 months so I took the elevator. (Who's permit expired in 2006)
I made it safely to the gym
Slight exaggeration
When I left the gym 3 hours later the elevator was covered in blood that was not there when I arrived.  Maybe it  was vampires. Or maybe it was a colony of menstruating bats
Most likely a nose bleed.

Someone cleaned the elevator (I was surprised) 
I was also hungry and in a hurry so I didn't stay long

75 mins
Body felt good lots of very opinionated people in sauna,  for once I kept my mouth shut and enjoyed other people's lunacy

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The good the bad and the sweaty

"Dang it, Not this guy again" 
(maybe he was thinking the same thing)
 When I got to the sauna yesterday Mr Sumo guy was sitting in usual spot next to the heater.  It takes a lot to gross me out ( and theirs definitely a lot gross about this dude)
.  Every 30 seconds he wipes his brow full of sweat, snot and god knows what and flings the liquid on to the sauna heater making it sizzle as it evaporates.  He will sit their sniffling, making strange noises while giving you the stink eye then "Flabam,  sizzle, sizzle sizzle," the room is now a little more humid thanks to his generous supply of body excrement.

75 mins
Pondering the old yawn stretch move  :)

It was a good day the Sauna.  Lots of sauna buddies came by.  I was chatting with really cute Czech girl.  We got on subject of going to the sauna nude (as it is done in most of the world) Stupid America! lol.  Anyhow she got to telling me about going to the sauna nude with her family as a kid, while she laughed at her own innocence.  My thoughts went from envisioning her naked :) to the idea of going to the sauna with my own mom and dad :(    
maybe America aint so bad after all





All last week I spent pretty much equal time in the pool as in the sauna.  I was really trying to ice my muscles between visits too the sauna in the 82 degree pool (well it feels cold after sitting in 170) 
I had been going late night (when the pool is empty) I love grab a noodle (I sink like a rock without one) and float on the top of the water with only my nose and my toes sticking out, eyes closed (oh course) my spine expanding and my mind drifting.

The sauna was packed so hit the steam room instead.  I got their at about 9p.m. and I was ready for bed. I guess I was even more ready than I thought I had lied down and passed out for about 40 mins in the steam.  It's only about 130-140 degrees in their and even if I had slept for 2 or 3 hours I think I would have been fine. 
It's a good thing they don't supply pillows