11/19/2012

I went to the sauna today to help my body recover from the Chimera 100 mile race I ran over the weekend  .  Everything was pretty boring for the first hour.  I found myself sitting on the bottom part of an "L" shaped bench while 3 roided out dudes crowding the other side. 

All of sudden this smoking hot girl I had never seen before comes in and the dudes on the other side of the "L"began to scooch back and forth jostling to create a spot for her  to sit next them.  I sat there and smiled at the scene unfolding. At least one of them was gonna be out of luck.  After about 15 seconds of jockeying for position  a 3 foot  wet spot on the bench opened up for her. 

Then as luck would have it she squeezed into a spot half the size, the one next to me

:)  

We had a nice chat exchanged contact info and I think I got a new Paddle tennis partner.

As for the other seat It was almost instantly filled by a crazy born again church lady that I have seen from time to time.  She's a little bit husky, loves to talk and scared all the dudes away in just a few seconds.  Awhile back I decided to befriend the crazy church lady.  Rather than be annoyed by her antics I accept her for who she is and find  her rhetoric quite entertaining.

Life is to short not to enjoy it's simple pleasures and when your brain is cooking at 200 degrees you might as well make the best out of it.  

2/5

90mins

I had a race the next morning. (well it ended up being 2 races)  

2/6

45mins

I had a few beers at the races.  My body was tight I only had a few minutes to spare before heading off to a Super Bowl party

2/8

60mins

2/9

60mins

2/11

60mins

2/12

90mins

It was Saturday night I had to get up by 4a.m. the next morning for a race.  

2/14

60mins

Time was at a stand still in the sauna.  I needed a diversion from the heat, so I decided too stand up and take full gander of what was going on the other side of the sauna door.  Over at the shower I saw this old man.(early 70's, Maybe it was arthritis or  super stiff muscles but this dude looked like he was doing the robot and he was doing it well.  I am easily amused and memory of that geriatric dancing in shower will always bring a smile to my face

2/15

100 mins

Mr. Religion

The last song I listened to upstairs was "Alter of Sacrifice." By SLAYER. I dig their music and find their lyrics pretty funny.  The last line I  heard was "Learn the Sacred words of praise hell Satan" to me both Jesus and the Satan are as make believe as the Smurfs or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. that's not to say I can't enjoy songs about them "Hallelujah" is one of my very favorite songs. (I also know both the Smurfs and the TMNT theme songs).  So i'm sitting in the sauna with dumb Slayer echoing in my brain "Praise Hell Satan, Praise Hell Satan." and in walks this dude all tatted up,  on one arm he had the star of David and a cross, while on the other arm he had what looked like "Gimel" and some of the other signs of the dradel. He also wore a cross on a chain around his neck.  He had a few other tattoo's I couldn't decipher  most likely Buddhist and Muslim.  Instead of waiting for the afterlife I'll enjoy heaven on Earth,  feed the worms when I die and embrace the fires of hell in sauna.  If I'm wrong I should be properly acclimated for the afterlife.

TOXICITY at 24 hour Fitness

1/30

60 mins

Sunday nights have the strangest people in the sauna (hence I look forward to it and fit right in)

1/31

90mins

Monday nights the gym is super crowded and it nearly impossible to get a work out.  I find it more enjoyable to drink a few beers in the parking lot and the cook in the sauna anyway.

2/1

60mins

 When I got to the sauna it stunk.  This time it wasn't the normal stuffed up drain kind of funk, it was more of (festering hygiene old person kind of smell (lovely huh)  I lasted about 4 seconds before bailing to the steam room.

For some reason the steam room does not seem to get as hot as it use to.  I ended up climbing some wall not meant to be sat upon near the output pipe of the steam generator.  This put me in a spot about 10 degrees hotter than the rest of the room that is where I sat for about 45 mins.

Eventually I tried the sauna again and the smell had dissipated proving my suspicions were correct.

2/3

30mins

Nothing exciting I was in a hurry just getting a few minutes in after a workout 

2/4 

90 mins

When I go to the sauna I usually soak in the hot tub for awhile and do some stretching.  I also like massaging my IT bands and calf's with the jets

Today I soaked for about 20 minutes.  Immediately after they totally quarantined the spa and didn't let any one else enter.  I need to pay more attention to my surroundings and maybe I shouldn't have drank 100oz of water in the sauna.. :) 

The dark side of the sauna

1/26

60mins

I prepaid my gym membership for 2 years in advance  for $300

What do you get for $12.50 month? 

all but one of the lights is now working in the sauna

 There is always something broken at the 24 hour fitness, and I go to the nicest one around in Hermosa Beach.  Anyhow the lights aren't working and I think it makes the sauna feel cooler actually is.  I think that if they took the thermometer away and painted the walls with a snow scene people would stay in twice as long. If they were smart they would cover it with  flames which would be much more appropriate and maybe keep dumb asses like myself from staying in too long.

1/27 

60mins

Nothing really exciting happened in  the sauna.  I arrived at the gym during peek hours, this meant I had too park at the very bottom of the garage.  As I mentioned before something is always broken at my gym , this also extends to the garage.  The escalator system has been on the fritz on and off for the past 6 months so I took the elevator. (Who's permit expired in 2006)

I made it safely to the gym

Slight exaggeration

When I left the gym 3 hours later the elevator was covered in blood that was not there when I arrived.  Maybe it  was vampires. Or maybe it was a colony of menstruating bats

Most likely a nose bleed.

1/28

30mins

Someone cleaned the elevator (I was surprised) 

I was also hungry and in a hurry so I didn't stay long

1/29

75 mins

Body felt good lots of very opinionated people in sauna,  for once I kept my mouth shut and enjoyed other people's lunacy

The good the bad and the sweaty

1/25

60mins

.

"Dang it, Not this guy again" 

(maybe he was thinking the same thing)

 When I got to the sauna yesterday Mr Sumo guy was sitting in usual spot next to the heater.  It takes a lot to gross me out ( and theirs definitely a lot gross about this dude)

.  Every 30 seconds he wipes his brow full of sweat, snot and god knows what and flings the liquid on to the sauna heater making it sizzle as it evaporates.  He will sit their sniffling, making strange noises while giving you the stink eye then "Flabam,  sizzle, sizzle sizzle," the room is now a little more humid thanks to his generous supply of body excrement.

1/24

75 mins

Pondering the old yawn stretch move  :)

It was a good day the Sauna.  Lots of sauna buddies came by.  I was chatting with really cute Czech girl.  We got on subject of going to the sauna nude (as it is done in most of the world) Stupid America! lol.  Anyhow she got to telling me about going to the sauna nude with her family as a kid, while she laughed at her own innocence.  My thoughts went from envisioning her naked :) to the idea of going to the sauna with my own mom and dad :(    

maybe America aint so bad after all

1/23

60mins

1/21

60mins

1/19

60mins

1/18

60mins

All last week I spent pretty much equal time in the pool as in the sauna.  I was really trying to ice my muscles between visits too the sauna in the 82 degree pool (well it feels cold after sitting in 170) 

I had been going late night (when the pool is empty) I love grab a noodle (I sink like a rock without one) and float on the top of the water with only my nose and my toes sticking out, eyes closed (oh course) my spine expanding and my mind drifting.

1/17

30mins

The sauna was packed so hit the steam room instead.  I got their at about 9p.m. and I was ready for bed. I guess I was even more ready than I thought I had lied down and passed out for about 40 mins in the steam.  It's only about 130-140 degrees in their and even if I had slept for 2 or 3 hours I think I would have been fine. 

It's a good thing they don't supply pillows

1/14

45 min

Well after defeating the sauna a few days prior I had nothing left to prove.  I was there to go in for ten minutes jump in the pool and repeat  to loosen up the muscles in my legs.

 For the past 2 months this giant lady in a pink bikini has been showing up at the pool /sauna.  to help rehabilitate her (I presume husband who seems t o be a stroke victim) Anyway I think she has a crush on me. Each day she sits a little closer to me and if I make eye contact I get a big smile and sometimes a wink.  She's an attractive lady. (for her size) If I were Andre the Giant and about 25 years older and she wasn't married to some dude who's rehabbing a stroke I'd be totally into it.  It's still not quite as flattering as the fat  70 something year old Russian lady that once told me "she wanted to have my baby."
Nostravia :)

8 points

Records are meant to be broken

1/12

I hit my goal the day before 62 minutes straight and I did while being ill prepared with just my small bottle.  I had broken past the1 hour barrier and even though I had just done it once I was now beaming with a new confidence.  I came back the next day with a giant jug of Ice water.  (surely I could now go 90 minutes with 10 times the liquid)

On my way to gym I got distracted by the setting sun.  I ended up at the beach with my feet in the bone chilling water for about 30 minutes while I watched the skies turn pink and the sun disappear for the day.  Just before leaving car to enter the gym I ate a bag of of Salt and Vinegar Kettle Chips to make sure my electrolytes stayed balanced. 

When I got to the sauna it was pretty dead I found my spot and was ready  to go.    I checked my heart rate and it was about 60.  My body was cold to start and I welcomed the heat.  Friends would come go as I sat their baking.  at 30mins I felt good and by the 1 hour mark I felt no different although my heart rate was spiking to about 130-150 beats per minute.  I still had about 2/3 of water left.  90minutes was totally within reach as long my heart rate din't continue to rise.  I took a few minutes to focus on my breathing and got my heart rate down to about 120 for the rest of my stay.

After the first hour a few of the other sauna patrons were wondering what this freak (me) was doing staying in  so long.  I tell people it's to be better prepared for racing in hot weather (which it is) but really it's more for my my own ego (you know) mind over body, confidence kind of thing.

 At about the 70 minute mark this cute girl came in who's preparing for her 1st marathon.  We had chatted before and was inquiring about her training.  All of a sudden a rank smell of Aqua velvet filled nose arriving  well before the barbarian who was wearing it.

The door to the sauna had been sticking all day.  Every time someone entered or left the the room it would have to be forced closed the last 2 inches. During my stay I must have closed the damn thing 20 times.  Well the sauna was pretty packed and I was having a good conversation with this chick.  Someone entered and the door was stuck.  I asked the Barbarian to close the door.  ANGER filled his eyes (I think he was jealous of the attention I was getting)  "Now I'm the door man?" he uttered in disbelief as he reluctantly shut the door. , "No, your still smelly cologne dude." I thought to myself.  The dude was pissed for no reason and I was chuckling inside trying not to smile.  The girl  seemed a little concerned that fisticuffs might break out, she thanked cologne dude for helping everyone in the sauna by shutting the door, while at the same time giving him some sarcastic lip.

A few minutes later the crowd had dispersed and I was back to my own devices.  By the 80 minute mark I realized I had done something I had never thought possible.  I had defeated the sauna.  My mind and and body were at peace and I knew I could stay in indefinitely so long as I had fluids to rehydrate with.  After 102 minutes I had nothing left to prove and I calmly exited the sauna.  I had drank about a gallon and half of water gained 1 pound in water weight and outlast 48 people who entered the room while I was there.

48 points