Love, Pain and Heartbreak: Using my Stick in the steam room

Yesterday I didn't get to the gym till the evening time.  I had brought my massage stick with me to work out some kinks in my left leg.   The sauna was packed so tight and there was barely room to pick your nose.

So I decided to venture over to the steam (a place I almost never visit.)  To my surprise it was empty.

Woo Hoo!

I sat in solitude for about 5 minutes vigorously working on my leg.  Then all of sudden in walks this chick that looks like she belongs to the Ukraine Olympic swim team. She see's my stick and we strike up a conversation.  I start telling  her what I do "Blah Blah Blah" and she interrupts me

 "So your that guy!" 

(my reputation had proceeded me, I think this is good thing?)

She had. heard about my from some other people on at the gym.

She explained to me that she does massage part time and wanted to check out the tightness in my calf.

(can you say best day ever?)

My excitement was short lived.

"OUCH"

She started kneading my calf like she was juicing an orange.

I tried to hide my discomfort with a smile, but this chick was masochist and could see right through it.  The more pain I was in, the bigger her smile grew.

Man was this chick strong, she was hurting me but she was also being nice and she was also gorgeous.  The free massage only lasted a couple minutes. After which she asked if she could barrow my stick so she could show me what I should be doing with it.

:)

As I sat there staring at this beautiful woman massaging  herself with her leg straight up in the air. I started to day dream of future together. Was this the one? That's when I noticed  the ring on her finger

"DOH"

What did I learn?

I'm gonna start bringing my stick to the gym everyday.

Back to doing what I do!

Today marked my third day back from a  gym membership that ended in August.

Word has spread and my flock of Sauna Buddies (both male and female) have come from far and wide to hear my witty tales  of shovels and sandals galore.

11/19/2012

I went to the sauna today to help my body recover from the Chimera 100 mile race I ran over the weekend  .  Everything was pretty boring for the first hour.  I found myself sitting on the bottom part of an "L" shaped bench while 3 roided out dudes crowding the other side. 

All of sudden this smoking hot girl I had never seen before comes in and the dudes on the other side of the "L"began to scooch back and forth jostling to create a spot for her  to sit next them.  I sat there and smiled at the scene unfolding. At least one of them was gonna be out of luck.  After about 15 seconds of jockeying for position  a 3 foot  wet spot on the bench opened up for her. 

Then as luck would have it she squeezed into a spot half the size, the one next to me

:)  

We had a nice chat exchanged contact info and I think I got a new Paddle tennis partner.

As for the other seat It was almost instantly filled by a crazy born again church lady that I have seen from time to time.  She's a little bit husky, loves to talk and scared all the dudes away in just a few seconds.  Awhile back I decided to befriend the crazy church lady.  Rather than be annoyed by her antics I accept her for who she is and find  her rhetoric quite entertaining.

Life is to short not to enjoy it's simple pleasures and when your brain is cooking at 200 degrees you might as well make the best out of it.  

2/5

90mins

I had a race the next morning. (well it ended up being 2 races)  

2/6

45mins

I had a few beers at the races.  My body was tight I only had a few minutes to spare before heading off to a Super Bowl party

2/8

60mins

2/9

60mins

2/11

60mins

2/12

90mins

It was Saturday night I had to get up by 4a.m. the next morning for a race.  

2/14

60mins

Time was at a stand still in the sauna.  I needed a diversion from the heat, so I decided too stand up and take full gander of what was going on the other side of the sauna door.  Over at the shower I saw this old man.(early 70's, Maybe it was arthritis or  super stiff muscles but this dude looked like he was doing the robot and he was doing it well.  I am easily amused and memory of that geriatric dancing in shower will always bring a smile to my face

2/15

100 mins

Mr. Religion

The last song I listened to upstairs was "Alter of Sacrifice." By SLAYER. I dig their music and find their lyrics pretty funny.  The last line I  heard was "Learn the Sacred words of praise hell Satan" to me both Jesus and the Satan are as make believe as the Smurfs or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. that's not to say I can't enjoy songs about them "Hallelujah" is one of my very favorite songs. (I also know both the Smurfs and the TMNT theme songs).  So i'm sitting in the sauna with dumb Slayer echoing in my brain "Praise Hell Satan, Praise Hell Satan." and in walks this dude all tatted up,  on one arm he had the star of David and a cross, while on the other arm he had what looked like "Gimel" and some of the other signs of the dradel. He also wore a cross on a chain around his neck.  He had a few other tattoo's I couldn't decipher  most likely Buddhist and Muslim.  Instead of waiting for the afterlife I'll enjoy heaven on Earth,  feed the worms when I die and embrace the fires of hell in sauna.  If I'm wrong I should be properly acclimated for the afterlife.

TOXICITY at 24 hour Fitness

1/30

60 mins

Sunday nights have the strangest people in the sauna (hence I look forward to it and fit right in)

1/31

90mins

Monday nights the gym is super crowded and it nearly impossible to get a work out.  I find it more enjoyable to drink a few beers in the parking lot and the cook in the sauna anyway.

2/1

60mins

 When I got to the sauna it stunk.  This time it wasn't the normal stuffed up drain kind of funk, it was more of (festering hygiene old person kind of smell (lovely huh)  I lasted about 4 seconds before bailing to the steam room.

For some reason the steam room does not seem to get as hot as it use to.  I ended up climbing some wall not meant to be sat upon near the output pipe of the steam generator.  This put me in a spot about 10 degrees hotter than the rest of the room that is where I sat for about 45 mins.

Eventually I tried the sauna again and the smell had dissipated proving my suspicions were correct.

2/3

30mins

Nothing exciting I was in a hurry just getting a few minutes in after a workout 

2/4 

90 mins

When I go to the sauna I usually soak in the hot tub for awhile and do some stretching.  I also like massaging my IT bands and calf's with the jets

Today I soaked for about 20 minutes.  Immediately after they totally quarantined the spa and didn't let any one else enter.  I need to pay more attention to my surroundings and maybe I shouldn't have drank 100oz of water in the sauna.. :) 

The dark side of the sauna

1/26

60mins

I prepaid my gym membership for 2 years in advance  for $300

What do you get for $12.50 month? 

all but one of the lights is now working in the sauna

 There is always something broken at the 24 hour fitness, and I go to the nicest one around in Hermosa Beach.  Anyhow the lights aren't working and I think it makes the sauna feel cooler actually is.  I think that if they took the thermometer away and painted the walls with a snow scene people would stay in twice as long. If they were smart they would cover it with  flames which would be much more appropriate and maybe keep dumb asses like myself from staying in too long.

1/27 

60mins

Nothing really exciting happened in  the sauna.  I arrived at the gym during peek hours, this meant I had too park at the very bottom of the garage.  As I mentioned before something is always broken at my gym , this also extends to the garage.  The escalator system has been on the fritz on and off for the past 6 months so I took the elevator. (Who's permit expired in 2006)

I made it safely to the gym

Slight exaggeration

When I left the gym 3 hours later the elevator was covered in blood that was not there when I arrived.  Maybe it  was vampires. Or maybe it was a colony of menstruating bats

Most likely a nose bleed.

1/28

30mins

Someone cleaned the elevator (I was surprised) 

I was also hungry and in a hurry so I didn't stay long

1/29

75 mins

Body felt good lots of very opinionated people in sauna,  for once I kept my mouth shut and enjoyed other people's lunacy

The good the bad and the sweaty

1/25

60mins

.

"Dang it, Not this guy again" 

(maybe he was thinking the same thing)

 When I got to the sauna yesterday Mr Sumo guy was sitting in usual spot next to the heater.  It takes a lot to gross me out ( and theirs definitely a lot gross about this dude)

.  Every 30 seconds he wipes his brow full of sweat, snot and god knows what and flings the liquid on to the sauna heater making it sizzle as it evaporates.  He will sit their sniffling, making strange noises while giving you the stink eye then "Flabam,  sizzle, sizzle sizzle," the room is now a little more humid thanks to his generous supply of body excrement.

1/24

75 mins

Pondering the old yawn stretch move  :)

It was a good day the Sauna.  Lots of sauna buddies came by.  I was chatting with really cute Czech girl.  We got on subject of going to the sauna nude (as it is done in most of the world) Stupid America! lol.  Anyhow she got to telling me about going to the sauna nude with her family as a kid, while she laughed at her own innocence.  My thoughts went from envisioning her naked :) to the idea of going to the sauna with my own mom and dad :(    

maybe America aint so bad after all

1/23

60mins

1/21

60mins

1/19

60mins

1/18

60mins

All last week I spent pretty much equal time in the pool as in the sauna.  I was really trying to ice my muscles between visits too the sauna in the 82 degree pool (well it feels cold after sitting in 170) 

I had been going late night (when the pool is empty) I love grab a noodle (I sink like a rock without one) and float on the top of the water with only my nose and my toes sticking out, eyes closed (oh course) my spine expanding and my mind drifting.

1/17

30mins

The sauna was packed so hit the steam room instead.  I got their at about 9p.m. and I was ready for bed. I guess I was even more ready than I thought I had lied down and passed out for about 40 mins in the steam.  It's only about 130-140 degrees in their and even if I had slept for 2 or 3 hours I think I would have been fine. 

It's a good thing they don't supply pillows

1/14

45 min

Well after defeating the sauna a few days prior I had nothing left to prove.  I was there to go in for ten minutes jump in the pool and repeat  to loosen up the muscles in my legs.

 For the past 2 months this giant lady in a pink bikini has been showing up at the pool /sauna.  to help rehabilitate her (I presume husband who seems t o be a stroke victim) Anyway I think she has a crush on me. Each day she sits a little closer to me and if I make eye contact I get a big smile and sometimes a wink.  She's an attractive lady. (for her size) If I were Andre the Giant and about 25 years older and she wasn't married to some dude who's rehabbing a stroke I'd be totally into it.  It's still not quite as flattering as the fat  70 something year old Russian lady that once told me "she wanted to have my baby."
Nostravia :)

8 points

Records are meant to be broken

1/12

I hit my goal the day before 62 minutes straight and I did while being ill prepared with just my small bottle.  I had broken past the1 hour barrier and even though I had just done it once I was now beaming with a new confidence.  I came back the next day with a giant jug of Ice water.  (surely I could now go 90 minutes with 10 times the liquid)

On my way to gym I got distracted by the setting sun.  I ended up at the beach with my feet in the bone chilling water for about 30 minutes while I watched the skies turn pink and the sun disappear for the day.  Just before leaving car to enter the gym I ate a bag of of Salt and Vinegar Kettle Chips to make sure my electrolytes stayed balanced. 

When I got to the sauna it was pretty dead I found my spot and was ready  to go.    I checked my heart rate and it was about 60.  My body was cold to start and I welcomed the heat.  Friends would come go as I sat their baking.  at 30mins I felt good and by the 1 hour mark I felt no different although my heart rate was spiking to about 130-150 beats per minute.  I still had about 2/3 of water left.  90minutes was totally within reach as long my heart rate din't continue to rise.  I took a few minutes to focus on my breathing and got my heart rate down to about 120 for the rest of my stay.

After the first hour a few of the other sauna patrons were wondering what this freak (me) was doing staying in  so long.  I tell people it's to be better prepared for racing in hot weather (which it is) but really it's more for my my own ego (you know) mind over body, confidence kind of thing.

 At about the 70 minute mark this cute girl came in who's preparing for her 1st marathon.  We had chatted before and was inquiring about her training.  All of a sudden a rank smell of Aqua velvet filled nose arriving  well before the barbarian who was wearing it.

The door to the sauna had been sticking all day.  Every time someone entered or left the the room it would have to be forced closed the last 2 inches. During my stay I must have closed the damn thing 20 times.  Well the sauna was pretty packed and I was having a good conversation with this chick.  Someone entered and the door was stuck.  I asked the Barbarian to close the door.  ANGER filled his eyes (I think he was jealous of the attention I was getting)  "Now I'm the door man?" he uttered in disbelief as he reluctantly shut the door. , "No, your still smelly cologne dude." I thought to myself.  The dude was pissed for no reason and I was chuckling inside trying not to smile.  The girl  seemed a little concerned that fisticuffs might break out, she thanked cologne dude for helping everyone in the sauna by shutting the door, while at the same time giving him some sarcastic lip.

A few minutes later the crowd had dispersed and I was back to my own devices.  By the 80 minute mark I realized I had done something I had never thought possible.  I had defeated the sauna.  My mind and and body were at peace and I knew I could stay in indefinitely so long as I had fluids to rehydrate with.  After 102 minutes I had nothing left to prove and I calmly exited the sauna.  I had drank about a gallon and half of water gained 1 pound in water weight and outlast 48 people who entered the room while I was there.

48 points

A new record.

1-12

Sauna buddies

Brian (Child psychologist) Paveress (My favorite Iranian Hypnotherapist) myself and Lon (Just a sweet lady)

I've been avoiding cardio this week and it's driving me insane.  In an effort to prove something (My level of Stupidity) I decided  I would try and set a new personal best for continuous time staying in the sauna.  The plan was to bring my 2 gallon jug full of ice and water, a separate bottle full of nuun and a bandanna to put the ice around my neck. My previous record was 55 minutes but I haven't done that kind of time for about 18 months.  Anyway yesterday all I had was my trusty Ultimate direction fast draw plus upgraded to  26-Ounce Bottle (it goes everywhere with me) . My first session I stayed in for 30 mins talking with my buddies before the heat started to get to me.  

I took a few minutes to do some hip exercises out by the pool and air out a little bit before heading back in.

Session two 30mins

 On Most days it gets harder to stay in each time I return but not today session 2 came easy.  

Session 3 30mins

After about a two minute soak in the pool I was back in the heat.  By now all my sauna buddies had left and I had to pass the time by myself.  Lucky for me there was a copy of the O.C and L.A.  sitting around  I ended up thumbing through both especially enjoying the perverse classifieds in the back.  The time passed quickly and I felt good.  I should have been done by then (make that well done) but I decided to go back in for one last session.

I headed back in for one last session.  It was then that I got into the zone.  After 30 minutes I wasn't ready to leave.  I got Pavrese to refill my bottle to and I was determined to seize the day and set a new personal record.  By this time the sauna became packed with people I had beautiful women  on both sides of me as I attempted to achieve greatness (theres a fine line between Greatness and buffoonery guess which side I'm on?).  At 45 minutes time started to slow and the heat began to take it's toll.  I felt like I was being cooked alive.  Eventually I passed the 55 minute mark and was into uncharted waters.  

The crowd began to Cheer "Pat, Pat, Pat"and the women were all over me begging me to stay (I think they were in love)  as I exited the sauna after 62 minutes a new personal best. I was a bit delirious and that's how I chose to remember it, by this point i had been in the sauna for 154 minutes on the day.  After a couple minutes in the pool I was back to normal (well as close as I ever get to normal).  Funny thing is I felt like going back into the heat.  I decided to hit the hot tub for about 20 minutes before my desire for beer took over and I left the gym proud of what I had accomplished.

I finally broke the 60min barrier.  New goal 90mins 

Points 74 also a new record

Sardine can

1/10

75 mins

Can you find me?

I had some plans in the afternoon so I hit the gym in the morning.  When I got to the sauna I had it to myself until yoga class let out.  The most popular instructor (a friend of mine and also a sauna buddy, but not today) had just finished her class and about 20 of her students bum rushed me.  I outlasted them all, some more the once. (I feared I would not get seat back and didn't wan to give it up)  

around 40 points 

1/09

75 mins

After a tough day of Disc golf (aka being lazy, not running).  I hit the gym around 9 p.m., I thought about swimming (not for very long)  and ended up in the sauna and the hot tub.  Usually Sunday nights are somewhat interesting but I got no stories to tell.

11 points

Serenaded by a Vato

90 mins

Sometimes the sauna is boring and quiet and other times it can be a quite entertaining place.  People do strange things when their slowly being cooked alive.  A lot of people come into the Sauna with their ipods on, what ever, it helps the time pass by.  Some people aren't very respectful to others and listen to their music so loud everyone in the room can hear it.

Serenaded  by a Vato in the Sauna

Yesterday this huge Vato Raider's fan sat down next to me blasting his tunes.  I figure I had 4 options 1. Be confrontational (not gonna happen, he could have eaten me) 2. Leave (no way) 3. Get mad and sulk (that would be silly) 4. Sing along (why the hell not). 

It's pretty funny when the person's playlist is the opposite from which you would stereotype them to listen to. This dude was blasting "Forever young" the Jay Z version.  I don't think he realized it but he began to sing out loud and definitely did not know the lyrics.  Myself and the girl sitting next to me started cracking up and began to sing along without him noticing.  

When the song was over he searched through his ipod for the next song.  "Macho man it's not as if macho man randomly came up, it was song he wanted to listen to." I was almost in tears laughing when this happened.  I also moved a little father away from dude. After macho man came "Kiss" By Prince. For some reason he didn't like that tune and switched to some other rap song I didn't know and left soon after.

About 20 minutes later really cute girl came in and started doing some Yoga while listening to her tunes.  She was all of like 90 lb's 5ft tall and really fit. The heat was starting to get to me and I had my head down when I heard what sounded like some old, fat, drunk dude, snoring. Did someone fall asleep?  I looked up and it was The girl.  She was doing some type of deep breathing and perhaps she had a cold. I don't think she was aware of how loud she had become  At first this was a big turn off but then I decided to embrace the moment (why be hater). I began to enjoy her sounds.  Might as well make the best of life.  Hopefully the next time a girl snoring is next to me in bed it will make me love her even more. lol.

1/5

90mins

After a short run on the beach in some foul weather. I hit up the sauna and  had a good chat with some girl about Vegan-ism.  I had planned on hitting the farmers market afterwards but I spent so much time talking about food it was closed by the time I got there. The sun emerged from the clouds so I went and played some paddle tennis before returning to the gym.

60mins

I decided to come back for second round before dinner

Amateur day 1/03

80 mins

I got the gym at about 6:30 p.m. and every machine was taken.  I had been pretty lazy all day and needed some exercise.  Looks like that wasn't gonna happen.  Instead of getting angry or upset I headed back to car.  You see I  had just come from the market and had cold beer in my back seat.  I pounded 2 beers and then headed to the sauna.  I was feeling prettying and stayed in for over 30 mins twice in a row.  Highlight  of the day was when a new gym member came in wearing gym shorts and a Lacey bra. .  She was nice and it was her second day ever at the gym, hopefully I didn't scare her away. I got home at about 9 p.m. jumped on recumbent bike and peddled till close to midnight as I finished my six pack. 

This blog is stupid and deserves some more BS

I started this off shoot of Bourbon feet as away for me track my hours in the sauna and keep track of the people I meet, however my due diligence has been lethargic. So I think I shall just ramble with some stupidity.  I got to be careful now because my some sauna buddies now lurk on my blog.  This all good and I consider them/you friends but eventually I should be careful not to talk smack about anyone who might get offended.  Also Some love intrests have been sparked with a  lady sauna buddy but this it's pretty freaking bizarre and I have no clue where it's going so I'l keep it under wraps for now.

I can barely remember last week but my guess is that I spent about 6-8 hours cooking

I have spent tha last few days in snow up at Big Bear and decided to thaw out in the sauna while it rained outside. I ended up spending 130 mins inside.  Highlight of the day was when the smoking hot yoga instructor from out of town  (Is their any job thats a bigger turn on?) joined the mix.  She was real sweet and the small talk was nice.  After about 15mins Mr. old dude, has been, motto cross, I hit on every girl guy arrived.  This same dude last week told me that the end of days was near and that god was ready to spite the non believers.  Anyway today Yoga girl was very liberal so Mr has been started complaining about about how conservative the people L.A. are.  The sauna was pretty packed and about 4 of us were laughing at change heart behind his back.  

at least 25 points

12/12

100mins

I got to the sauna around 7:45 and didn't leave till after 10 p.m. Had a nice chat with a Rastafarian about disc golf . The place was pretty dead and I scored every point possible.

11points

Archos 70 - 8 GB Internet Tablet (Black)

12/11

110 mins

Pretty crowded for a Saturday night I got there about at about 6p.m. coming straight from the beach.  My body needed to thaw out and my feet were almost numb when I arrived.  I stayed in for over 30 minutes straight 3 times in a row.  Listened too a interesting conversation between an self proclaimed Intellectual (very opinionated)  Nigerian and a naive upper class Chinese dude discuss the Economy.

19 points

12/09

60 mins

Conversation went fro some dude wondering why the girl he saw stripping the night before was pissed off when he started hitting on her at the gym (dumb ass).  Next came a discussion about hunting (something I don"t do). Then a conversation about bringing in mp3 players into the sauna that somehow progressed to discussing how nokia helped in the murderer of many youths in Iran. (never heard about that before but heres a link)

http://www.swedishwire.com/politics/417-nokia-iran-can-monitor-calls-with-our-technology

12/7

45mins

The sauna was dead.  Lucky for me I had brought a Super Ball I had found on the beach.  It was actually pretty loud bouncing the ball off the wooden walls.  I refrained when someone else entered but as soon as the were gone, I snuck in a few good throws.
5pts